Love

This is a little poem I wrote last night... entitled, simply, Love.

Tomorrow may be too late
So I'm not going to wait.
I'm giving you all of me right now,
I want to scream it out loud.
I am SO IN LOVE WITH YOU!
From the moment I first saw you,
I saw it in your eyes.
My heart flies, flies to the skies.
On angels wings I soar,
Your love, it keeps me warm.
This love, it is so real,
I love the way you make me feel,
I hope this fairytale lasts forever
With a love like this, It will.
I knew it from the start,
Now it's deep inside my heart
I want you to be my bride,
Walking forever by side.
To beyond the end of time,
My love, my best friend, my wife.
I love you, DNS!
9-26-2009

In Remembrance of My Best Friend

On January 31st, 1954, a daughter was born to Willie McAdoo “Mac” Wester and Evelyn Grey Dozier Wester. Her name was Nancy Carol. She was raised on the family farm. “Sanci” as Mr. Mac called her, spent her childhood working on the farm, along side her two older brothers, Billy and Tommy, picking cotton and peanuts. She spent her weekends playing with friends and fishing at the pond on the Wester Farm. When she was 10 years old, she was diagnosed with type I diabetes. This was a challenge, especially for a young girl growing up in the 60’s, but it never got her down. She always held her head up high and never let it get the best of her. With the guidance of her Grandmother, Maggie, she accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior at a very young age, and she let her Christian faith guide her throughout life.
She graduated high school in 1972. She was member of many clubs and organizations while in school. She had dreams of becoming a nurse, but she laughingly told me once that she never followed through because she didn’t have the stomach for the job. Before she graduated, she met the love of her life, while she was engaged to another man! She met her soul mate in a hotel restaurant, where they were both working. And on this day, June 6th, some 37 years ago, she married Jeffrey Sauls from Goldsboro. Mac and Evelyn did not approve of Jeff at first, but soon they realized what a great man he was. Throughout their long life together, there were most definitely some struggles, but more than that, there were great times and a great love that kept them together.
In November, of 1986, Jeff and Nancy invited Jeff’s nine year old son to come live with them due to his mother’s failing health. Even though Mike was not her own son, Nancy loved him as though he was.
On August 5th, 1987 a miracle occurred, I was born. She and Dad had two children that were waiting for her in Heaven. The doctors told her when she got pregnant with me, that she should end the pregnancy because of her health. She and Dad knew that this was not an option. According to the doctors, neither one of us should have made it, but it was always in God’s hands.
Mom’s sugar was a constant struggle, dad often called her “yo-yo” because it would bounce around so much. No matter what it never got the best of her. As difficult as it was, she always knew that God was in control.
All of her life she enjoyed making ugly things pretty. She was happiest when she had a paint brush in one hand and a hammer in the other. She would take an odd piece of furniture, or an unattractive frame or picture, and add some paint and some nails and make it a true work of art, a masterpiece. She loved taking spontaneous trips with the family. I remember as a kid, being awoken at 2 or 3 in the morning and having to pack a suitcase, because we were going to the beach for the weekend. That’s how she was. She would get a crazy, harebrained idea and run with it.
I never knew Mom to have any friends. Everyone she loved and cared for, blood relative or not, was always considered family.
She passed away peacefully. She left her sick body for a new one in Heaven. She no longer suffers, or worries about her sugar. She now has a new body, and I’m sure an unlimited supply of paint.
Dad always joked that she would be late for her own funeral. It is my human opinion that she got there way too early. As tough as it is, I realize that she was just on time, God’s time. Mom will be sorely missed, by me especially. She was more than my mother, she was my very best friend. She loved her family, and would want us not to mourn a death, but to celebrate a home-coming of one of God’s children.

Ambulance Driver

I didn't write this, but it is true, nonetheless...

I'm way more than just an ambulance driver...

Standing in chest deep water, freezing rain falling and stinging as it hits the exposed parts of my body. Holding her head above water to keep her from drowning until rescue could get there to cut her free---
BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER

Comforting a 89 year old woman who just watched me and my partner cover the face of her husband of 64 years as he lay dead in their bathroom floor---
BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER

On scene at an MVA with mom trapped upside down in her car and her dead sons body laying on top of her, without a second thought for my own safety I crawl into the wreckage to take C-spine control and calm the frantic lady---
BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER

Called away from my just prepared meal to respond to the middle of nowhere to a house with no numbers, no porch light on, nobody waiting to signal us in and they complain because we took too long only to find out the patient left ten minutes ago... so we smile and walk away from the verbal lashing only because we are
JUST AMBULANCE DRIVERS

Standing in the middle of the street at midnight on the wrong side of town trying to patch the holes and stop the bleeding of a 19 year old shooting victim. With the occasional bullet wizzing past our heads we never break stride because this kids life is in our hands---
BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULNCE DRIVER

Doing chest compressions on a 16 year old girl who decided this life was more than she could take. Her family screaming at us to help as though we are the ones who did this to her. Her lifeless body flailing about as the tube goes in and IV's being started, my arms and back burning from the pain of 30 minutes of CPR, never once giving up, hoping she would make it through and over come whatever lead her to this bad decision----
BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER




Death is all around me and still I go home to live my life

I get kicked, hit, spit on, bled on, puked on...

I look into the eyes of a lifeless child at 7am and by 8 am I'm holding my child a little tighter and they know nothing about what happened.

I have hundreds of hours of classroom time

Years of experience in the field

I have challenged death and won

I've helped the helpless

I've neglected my family for yours

I find comfort in complete chaos

I eat cold meals if I eat at all

I work with no sleep for days at a time

I miss birthdays, holidays and school functions

I put myself in harms way for a total stranger on a daily basis

ALL BECAUSE I AM JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER



I AM AN AMBULANCE DRIVER, I DRIVE 90 MPH THROUGH CONJESTED TRAFFIC FULL OF PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO YEILD RIGHT OF WAY WHILE MY PARTNER STANDS UNRESTRAINED IN THE BACK OF THIS SCREAMING LAND MISSLE SAVING YOUR LOVED ONES LIFE!! NEVER ONCE DOES HE QUESTION MY DRIVING, HE KNOWS THAT AT THE END OF THIS SHIFT HE WILL GO HOME TO HIS FAMILY SAFELY, BECAUSE I AM AN AMBULANCE DRIVER....

NinjaMedic State Paramedic Credential Examination

KF- Thought I would take a stab at this...

Are you a good problem solver?
I feel like I am. I tend to take a systematic approach to it. Looking at it from all angles and being sure to find the very best solution- 1/2 the time. The other 1/2, I wing it and go with my gut instinct.

Can you concentrate for long periods of time?
I can, but it is difficult. I have to have music to concentrate. It takes my mind off of everything else and allows me to really hone in on what I'm doing.

Are you a perfectionist? 
Most definitely not. If it works, and works well, its cool by me. It doesn't have to be perfect, as long as it gets the job done. What-so-ever 'it' may be.

Do you persevere with your interests?
Sure. When I am interested in it, I go for it.

Are you an avid reader?
Not really. Once in a while I will get into a book or series of books that I really get involved in. But it is rare. A Book has to really capture my attention. My favorite author is Ted Dekker.

Do you have a vivid imagination? 
Oh yes! I can entertain myself for hours on end imagining what happens when I leave a room or whatnot.

Do you enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles?
Eh, I used to as a kid, and kinda still do a little. I get bored with them very easily now for some reason.

Often connect seemingly unrelated ideas?
This is kind of strange and personal, but every night before I go to bed, a thought will pop in my head, and from that thought, literally 100 more thoughts come up in my mind. Stranger than that, before I go to sleep, I have to back trace every thought all the way back to the original.

Do you enjoy paradoxes?
I love them. They are a real workout for the brain. I can literally feel the muscles in my head moving and doing some hardcore cardio and wight resistance. Heavy stuff.

Do you set high standards for yourself?
I do, but I often set them unattainably high, and then I get really let down when I am not able to achieve those goals.

Do you have a good long-term memory?
Yes. I remember the soft, warm fuzzy feeling I had when I was but a fetus. Seriously, though. Yeah. Just the other day I was wondering not that but why i remember seemingly pointless things about my childhood. Little conversations I had with my friends. Things I said when I was 6 years old to my classmates that I wish I could take back because they sound so utterly stupid. It's amazing how the mind works...

Are you deeply compassionate?
I really am. I am compassionate and sentimental. I put up a hard front, but things do really get to me underneath the surface.

Do you have persistent curiosity?
Sometimes, about certain things.

Do you have a good sense of humor?
Yeah, you have to in this business. 

Are you a keen observer?
I try to be.

Do you love mathematics?
Not really. I mean, I don't do math problems for fun - I use it when I have to, but I don't do it for recreation

Do you need periods of contemplation?
Yeah. I love coming home in the afternoon after hours upon hours of bull upon bull dealing with the worlds problems, and just grabbing a beer, and sitting on the porch, staring off into the treeline behind my house, drinking my beer, and smoking a few cigarettes. It is then, I can relax and contemplate my day, and the deeper things of life.

Do you search for meaning in your life?
Not really, I have found meaning. I have a wonderful God who put me here to accomplish His purpose. I have a great career that I love going to every morning. I have the best family a guy could ask for. That is the meaning of life, right there. I am joyful in every situation. I may not be happy, but I have joy.

Are you aware of things that others are not?
I have always had a sort of sixth sense about things. I can always smell fear, deception and worry in a person. I always know when something is bothering someone.

Are you fascinated by words?
Yes, some words I over analyze and end up repeating so many times they start to sound stupid, like they aren't even real words, like stop. Say 'stop' 150 times and see if it still sounds like a part of the English vocabulary.

Are you highly sensitive?
To what?

Do you have strong moral convictions?
Yes.

Do you often feel out-of-sync with others?
Yes. I often feel like nobody 'gets' me or understand where I'm coming from.

Are you perceptive or insightful?
Sure!

Do you often question rules or authority?
Yeah. If I feel a rule in unjust or an authority figure is overstepping their bounds, oh yeah.

Do you have organized collections?
Nope.

Do you thrive on challenge?
Why yes, I do.

Do you have extraordinary abilities and deficits?
I like to think I am extraordinarily charming, good looking, musical, funny, good-smelling, nice, witty, etc and so forth.

Do you learn new things rapidly?
I learn the idea almost instantly. It may, however, take me a minute to grasp the details.

Feel overwhelmed by many interests/abilities?
Not overwhelmed, but I do have many interests and abilities. I love paramedicine, I work full time in EMS, I volunteer with a local rescue squad. I play guitar, I play the bass, I am an amateur photographer, I love to cook, I write poetry, I am a twitterer, I have this blogspot, I love computers and technology and the internet, I design websites, I'm on MySpace, I'm the father of a 12 month old. OK, maybe I am a bit overwhelmed... whew! 

Do you have a great deal of energy?
I think I have an average amount of energy.

Often take a stand against injustice?
All the time. If I see something that I perceive to be 'wrong', I speak up and I don't shut up until someone notices and takes action.

Do you feel driven by your creativity?
Yes. Nothing gets me going more than the thought of creating something new.

Love ideas and ardent discussion?
Yes.

Did you have developmentally advanced childhood?
I was reading by the time I was 2 1/2 . I was in kindergarten for three days before they promoted me to 1st grade. I won several grammar/vocabulary/spelling awards. So yeah, I guess I did. It all went downhill after the 4th grade though... family issues causes one to be less studious at times.

Have unusual ideas or perceptions?
Remarkably so...

Are you a complex person?
I think 'multifaceted' would be more appropriate than 'complex'.

-Mac

Time Passes, the Wind Breaks.

Hello All!

   It has been a while since my last post. I've been busy to say the least. And yes, that is mostly jsut a cheap copout so I don't have to try and come up with a reasonable excuse for the lapse of time since I have posted. Oh well. Just an update. My career is going really well. The family is great. My little boy just amazes me more and more everyday. For starters, he is going to be 1 year old in a week. A WEEK!!! Holy moly! Where has the time gone? It was just yesterday I was standing in the hallway in tears because he was under the bilirubin light because his levels were critical. It was only minutes ago that I was amazed as he turned his head and looked me directly in the eye. Mere seconds since he first said "Dada" and hit me on the head with his juice cup. Now, my 11 month, 3 week and one day old son is lying behind me in his crib sleeping. Unaware that his presence here has been a lifetime, and the blink of an eye. He is so smart.  We have a tall lamp in our living room. and on this lamp, about midway up, there is a circular tray built right in. A while back, Griffin was trying to pull up on the tray that is built in to the lamp, but he wasn't quite tall enough. Right near the lamp, there was a metal cash box just sitting there. He pulled the cash box over to him, climbed onto the cash box, and grabbed the tray that is built in to the lamp. Now what he did was wrong, and we popped him on the hand for grabbing the lamp, and explained that if it fell on top of him he would be hurt. You know, the whole "responsible parent" thing. But it amazed me that he grasped the concept so easily. Griffin is my first and only child, and I guess I never realized all the wonderful things I wouldn't have to teach him. It is just amazing all he knows how to do, and even more so that he just knows  how to do those things. No one has had to show him. He is amazing. He is my world. 

   I will end with one final thought and a photo. Just tonight, I was practicing my bass rhythms and Griffin comes crawling into "our" room (so designated because my son and I share it. 3/4 is his nursery, and 1/4 is my office/music studio/storage space/man cave.) He crawls over to me and starts pulling up on my pant leg. I obviously can't hold him because I am playing bass. So, I sit down on the floor with him, bass in tow. He comes over and sits in my lap. I pull him closer so the guitar is in front of the both of us. What does griffin do? He starts going to town, beating and banging on my guitar. I had a drum loop playing for ease of practice, and he starts bobbing his head to the beat and banging on the guitar. It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. Not because the song he was playing was a masterpiece, but because he was excited, like he was really enjoying it. Hopefully, with any luck, I can teach him to play and he will love it like his old man does. Or maybe, just maybe, he will teach his old man a few tricks.

   For your viewing  pleasure, here is a picture of Griffin, studio bassist.

Here is a link to a video of Griffin playing bass with daddy:

Griffin Playing Bass

12.12.2008- Movies

Ah, movies. Everyone loves a good movie. Maybe you like to snuggle up to the one you love and view a good ol' romantic picture. Maybe you and a few buddies want to crack open a few beers, pop some some popping corn and enjoy a slam packed, adrenaline fueled action thriller. Maybe you are somewhat of a cinematic aficionado, you like many different genres. Indie, Comedy, Horror, Romantic, Slapstick, Documentary, Rockumentary, Mockumentary... you get the point. If you ascribe to this last category of cinema fans (like I do) Does each truly great movie seem to speak to you in ways that the screenwriters, producers, directors, actors, and heck, even the gaffers and grips never dreamed it would? Every movie I watch has a very profound effect on me. As I view the dazzling images on screen, I am taken back to being 5 years old with that red towel wrapped around my neck, playing Superman and Indians or whatever it was. My imagination is brought back to life, the dust is shaken off and I am catapulted into the storyline. I feel as if I am in the movie, a part of it, the main character even. I feel what the characters feel. It is an amazing feeling, and when the movie is over I feel sad. I want it to continue, I want it to go on, I feel as if the story, somehow, isn't finished.

I know this all sounds strange, but it is how I view movies. I like most movies that I see. I have seen many flops. Willard for one, has a good storyline. It is a very intellectual movie, and it really gets in your head. I just didn't like it. I like movies with substance. Meaning. Purpose. I read a lot of so-called "critics" reviews, and I can see where they are coming from in their review, but to me, it is so much more than production values and cinematography. Yeah, a good photographer is important, and pre-production and post are good too. But isn't it a great story and actors who have a passion for bringing the story to life what movies are all about? You can have the best production team, the best photographers, the best lighting the best locations, but without a story all you are doing is taking a picture. Any kid can take a Polaroid and add a little imagination and a story line and have an awesome action adventure flip book.

This has seemed like a lot of nonsense rambling, I know, so I will end with this:

Top 5 Favorite Movies, Right Now.

1. High Fidelity
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. Cashback
4. History of the World Part 1
5. Deja Vu

11.21.2008- Ranting and Raving

I just want to rant and rave for a moment.

Our dispatcher is a complete power-hungry moron. He has no power, so he creates his own in an effort to make himself feel significant in the grand scheme of things. He tries to push us around and trample on us to make himself feel good like he has some say in what goes on in the organization. He has no say.


For instance, lunch. Ah lunch, we all love lunch. I am a big fella, and I LOVE lunch. I look forward to it all day. My dispatcher likes lunch as well. He goes every day at 1300 on the dot. No matter what is going on, he will leave at precisely 1300 to get his proverbial "grub" on. After he enjoys his lunch, he will undoubtedly have a well enjoyed after lunch smoke break. This is understandable. This is expected. No problem, right? Wrong! The nature of my line of work dictates and requires that I be available at ALL times. As long as I am at work, I am at the beck and call of whomever may need to reach me or requisition my services.

I say all of that to say this:
this morning we ran 6 calls before 1400 (that's 2:00pm for you civilian folk) I came in to work at 1000hrs. (that's 10:00am, try to keep up!) That is more than we normally run in 8 hours, much less 4. I am not complaining about my call volume, I love to work, I come to work to work, and I enjoy it, but here's what really irks my nerves: My partner and I pull up at the restaurant to finally get our proverbial "grub" on and the phone rings. Oh Crap! I exclaim, thinking we have another run, which displeases me. I answer to find our administrative assistant (who likes to screw our day up while the dispatcher is at lunch, but that's a different story for another time) on the other end of the line telling us about a run scheduled for 1500 that we need to get. OK, no prob. We go inside to eat, we order, and it takes 15-20 minutes to get our beverages, appetizer and finally the main course. Man, it looks great, I have been waiting all day for this!!! It was a fantastic lunch. We eat, pay and leave the restaurant to run our call. The phone rings. On the other end is our dispatcher, sounding very full, heated and wondering where we are. I said we are pulling up at the pickup location now. At this time it was 1515. He fusses about stupid mess that I don't even care to get into. We get upstairs to retrieve our patient at 1520. They fuss because the patient was supposed to be at the destination facility at 1530. Okay, I think, the destination is 3 miles from where we are, we have plenty of time, right? Wrong again! The receptionist starts fussing at no one in particular about us being "late". That is a matter of opinion, but whatever. Then she proceeds to get on the telephone, and stays on the phone for 10 minutes, attempting to find out if the facility will still accept the patient. They will. Time WASTED!!! We get to the patients room and she isn't even ready to go. Her feeding tube has to be removed, her telemetry box has to be removed her oxygen tubing has to be changed. TIME WASTED. This stuff could have been taken care of before we got there. That would have saved time and assured that the patient would be at the facility for the procedure ON TIME. After that, everything is smooth sailing. The patient was transferred and everything was taken care of.

It just pisses me off how little regard these people have for what we do and the stress we undergo just trying to solve every problem they throw at us.

I'm done.

Mac